Remembered Page 10

  He looked away and towards the window. A heavy breath passed his pursed lips. “I should leave,” he said sharply. “I didn’t mean to stay so long. It’s almost morning.”

  “Of course,” she said, smiling in order to lighten the suddenly heavy mood.

  Then his expression softened. “Maybe I’ll have one more cup of tea before I go, since you already have the water boiling,” he said.

  When she turned back to the stove to remove the boiling water, she lost her footing and fell forward. Her hands instinctively shot out in front of her to break her fall. The left hand landed right into the open flames, the right gripped the side of the stove allowing her to steady herself. She let out a small scream and jumped backwards.

  Kellus was on his feet in a second. He took her hand between both of his and looked over it. “I don’t think it will burn,” he said, examining the hand. “I think you pulled away in time to prevent a serious injury.”

  “I’m fine,” she agreed. “It was only the shock that caused me to scream. It doesn’t hurt at all.”

  She looked up into his face at the same moment he raised his eyes from her hand. The strange look had returned. His eyes were half crazed and locked with hers.

  He leaned in suddenly and pressed his mouth against hers, his left hand gripping the back of her neck, his fingers kneading her skin.

  He kissed her with such force that it took her breath away. Her heart pounded.

  She threw her arms around his neck and twisted her lips around his. He put his left hand on the back of her head, his right between her shoulders. He walked her backwards until she rested up against the wall next to the stove, and then leaned into her. She could feel every part of him pressed up against her body.

  His hand left her back and rested on the side of her face. His lips left hers. He kissed a trail down her neck to her shoulder, and back up again.

  “Annie,” he whispered before kissing behind her ear. “So lovely,” he murmured, and then his mouth was back on hers again.

  Every part of her ached for more; she could not kiss him hard enough to convey the depth of her need.

  His tongue pressed against her lips, demanding entry, causing her to shudder from head to toe. He took that as an invitation to press closer still, rubbing circles on the small of her back, igniting her in flames of desire.

  He moaned—a low guttural sound—and kissed her frantically, as though he wanted nothing more than to devour her completely. His teeth grazed her bottom lip as he sucked it into his mouth.

  Small, pulsating shocks coursed through her, causing her knees to weaken. His right hand left her back and traveled to her hip. He moaned again, or was it a desperate cry?

  And while his tongue did things to her mouth that she never thought possible, his left hand was suddenly on her breast, his fingers kneading into her nipple through her flimsy shirt.

  He pulled away abruptly.

  She looked at him, her breathing heavy, and was stunned to see horror written across his face. “Please forgive me,” he said, looking as though he had just committed a terrible crime. “I don’t know what came over me. I just—I couldn’t…” he trailed off, shaking his head as if he was trying to clear his thoughts.

  “Don’t be sorry,” she said, still trying to catch her breath. “I wanted it also.”

  “I have to leave,” he said to himself, but he didn’t move. Instead, he placed his palms on both side of his head, combing his fingers through his hair. “What have I done?” he whispered desperately. He squeezed his eyes shut and drew a deep breath.

  “Kellus?” was all that Annie could say. His obvious shame and disgust gave her reason to worry.

  “Annie, I have to go. I’m afraid I’ll do something regretful if I don’t leave immediately,” he said then bit down on his bottom lip.

  “No…” she trailed off in confusion.

  “I almost—I would have…” he mumbled, shuddering.

  “What?” she questioned forcefully.

  “I wanted to…” he shook his head and leaned against the wall, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t come back here,” he said quietly. “I can’t see you again.”

  She felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her. What did he mean he couldn’t see her again? Panic welled up in her.

  “I should never have done this,” he said, taking his hands from his face and looking her in the eye. “I should never have spent so much time with you. I was a fool to think we could be friends. I wanted nothing more than to be near you.”

  Annie stared at him, trying to come to grips with what was happening.

  “Annie, I can never see you again,” he repeated.

  “Why do you keep saying that?” she demanded.

  He glared at her as though she had missed something obvious. He was in front of her in a flash, his hands gripping the tops of her arms so tightly that it was almost painful. “Can you not see what you do to me?” he yelled.

  “What?” she asked forcefully.

  “I want you so badly it hurts!” he shouted. “I think about you every moment of every day. I want to taste every part of your skin, claim you as my own…I want to…” he shook his head again.

  His hands slipped from the tops of her arms and hung loosely at his side. He was overcome with emotion. “I’m in love with you,” he whispered. “My father warned me that this would happen, but I didn’t want to believe it. I only wanted to spend time with you. I was a fool…please forgive me.”

  “What?” she questioned, hardly believing her ears.

  “It was you, Annie,” he said, his eyes flooded with pain. “It was you I spoke of before. You were the girl I lost my heart to years ago. You were the girl I dreamt about for weeks, if not months.”

  “How…when?” she demanded.

  “When I saw you at your parent’s funeral,” he murmured. “I loved you the minute I laid eyes on you all those years ago…and I love you still.”

  “I’m in love with you, too,” she confessed. She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek.

  “Please don’t say that,” he scolded, his voice growing louder once again. “It can never be between us.”

  “I’ll wait for you,” She stated, looking deep into his eyes. “I promise I’ll wait or you.”

  “You would wait three years for me?” he asked, shock rippling across his face.

  “Yes, I’ll wait. I want to be with you. I would wait a lifetime,” she knew beyond a doubt that what she said was the absolute truth.

  He looked down at the floor then began to shake his head again. “No, Annella, no,” he answered. He kept shaking his head as though he was reasoning with himself.

  “Please, Kellus, I want to wait for you. We could still see each other. You could visit once a month when you have leave—”

  “No, Annie,” he interrupted. “It won’t work. You deserve more than what I can give you, so much more.”

  “But—”

  “Listen to me,” he pleaded. “What do you think will happen in three years?”

  “I don’t—”

  “Let me tell you,” he interrupted again. “I would come here once a week to join you in your bed, then leave after I’ve had my fill. I could never live with you, never take care of you, never be the man that you need. Do you want to spend your life waiting for a lover to visit for a night of passion and nothing more?”

  “I don’t care!” she bellowed.

  “But I do!” he yelled back. “It would hurt me to treat you that way.” His face softened. “You’re so beautiful, Annie. You deserve to be with a man who will take care of you, who will give you everything.”

  “But I want you, Kellus, anyway I can have you. Whatever it takes, whatever the sacrifice, I’m willing to make it.”

  “Please don’t say such things,” he said, looking into her eyes. “Find someone else to give your heart to.”

  “NO!” she screamed. “You cannot make this decision for me. You have no right to decide what’s
good for me.” She collapsed into a chair and sobbed into her hands.

  He walked over to her and placed his hand on her head. “Please forget me, I beg you.”

  “Will you forget me?” she asked, looking up from her hands.

  “Never,” he vowed. “I’ll love you always, but I’ve chosen my path, and it doesn’t include a happy ending for me. I will love you even when you find another, when you marry a man that will take care of you.”

  Her head fell back into her hands. She was losing this fight. She could see the determination in his expression.

  “Goodbye, Annie,” he said, turning to leave.

  “Please don’t leave like this,” she begged.

  He turned and looked back one last time. “I have to. It wouldn’t be fair for me to string you along for the rest of your life, as much as I would want to be with you, but it would not be a life for you. Please forget about me.”

  “I CAN’T,” she cried.

  “TRY, DAMN IT!” he yelled back sternly.

  There was nothing more for her to say; he had made up his mind.

  “Goodbye,” he said again, and then he was gone.

  Chapter 10

  Spring crept slowly into summer, but time had not even begun to heal her broken heart.

  She knelt outside, pulling weeds from the vegetable garden with her bare hands. She wore a thin, almost see-through, yellow lining from an old discarded dress. The bodice was low enough to reveal the top of her breasts. It was her usual gardening outfit; she had no desire to ruin good clothes with mud and dirt.

  She was enjoying the feel of grass on her bare knees and feet. The physical work felt good, helped to dispel the sad frustration that had plagued her for the last four weeks. Soon, beads of sweat were forming on her forehead.

  In the past month, she avoided going to town completely, opting to send Cora or Max on the weekends for what errands needed done. The possibility of running into Kellus was terrifying. Would she fall down in front of him and beg him to make her wait three years to be nothing more than his once a week lover?

  Kellus had been right; that was no way for a person to live, and besides, she wanted him every day and for always. It never would have been enough.

  Maybe at first, things would have been good, but what when she started growing older? Would she be left old and feeble alone, childless, while the man she loved served the public?

  Eventually, it may have ended in resentment—maybe—though the thought of ever resenting Kellus seemed unlikely.

  She felt that she deserved the pain she now endured. She had told herself, time and again, to get over her addiction to him, but she jumped at every opportunity to spend time with him. She should have been strong. She should have kept dancing with Sul at the festival. She should have ignored the lovely vision in blue standing under the tree. She should have stopped her heart from skipping a beat every time he winked at her. She deserved this pain.

  A blood-curling scream came from the house, drawing her out of her thoughts.

  “What was that?” she yelled.

  Cora came stumbling through the backdoor, pain etched in her features. She collapsed on her knees in front of Annie, gripping her back.

  “What is it, Cora?” Annie gasped.

  “It’s my back again,’ Cora moaned before vomiting on the ground.

  “Max! Help, Max. Come quickly!” Annie yelled out.

  Max flew out the backdoor. “What is it?” he demanded.

  “It’s Cora’s back again,” Annie replied, horrified.

  “What should I do?” he stammered.

  “Run to the Citadom immediately and bring back help,” Annie ordered.

  Max tore around to the front of the house and out of sight without another word.

  Annie struggled to get Cora into the kitchen. She sat her on the floor in front of a basin; Cora vomited into it several more times.

  Finally, after what seemed like hours, she heard the sound of hoofs and carriage wheels.

  Max ran through the door followed by a peaceman and two apprentices.

  Annie recognized Conor from the Mid-Spring festival. She’d seen one of the apprentices once or twice with Kellus, but she had no memory of the other.

  Conor knelt down next to Cora. He placed a small thermometer in her mouth and began feeling around her back. “Has she been sick? He asked, glancing at the basin.

  Annie nodded.

  He stood up, walked over to the basin and stared into it for a few seconds. “Have you passed blood?” he asked Cora

  “Yes,” she moaned.

  “What?” Annie gasped. “Cora, you’ve been bleeding?” she eased into the nearest chair, afraid that her legs would give out. Max stood next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

  “We have to get her to the Citadom,” Conor said, staring at the thermometer. “Her temperature is dangerously high. We can do nothing for her here.”

  “What’s wrong with her?” Annie asked through broken sobs.

  “I’m not sure yet,” he answered. “We need to get her to the proper equipment to make a more accurate diagnosis. However, I think there is a possibility that she will need surgery.”

  “Oh, no,” Annie gasped.

  “Don’t worry,” he said in a reassuring voice. “She’s young and strong. I’m sure she’ll be fine.” He placed his hand on Annie’s other shoulder before turning to the apprentices. “Borm, Ciro, get her into the carriage as gently as you can.”

  The apprentices placed Cora in the back of the carriage, on a bed covered with white sheets. Annie and Max climbed in behind her, followed by Conor. The apprentices sat up front, driving the rig.

  Annie held Cora’s hand all the way to town. Max ran a wet rag over her forehead.

  When they reached the Citadom, they turned up a side street to the left of the building and rode all the way to the end of the long street, past rows of windows encased in gray stone. The carriage turned right on the corner and came to a stop in front of a large, black, metal fence.

  An apprentice—the blonde handsome one named Danus—unlocked the gate and pulled both sides back. He spoke briefly with Borm and Ciro.

  The gates led into a large courtyard surrounded by gray stone walls on all sides. The ground was made up of the same gray stones. To the right and left were large red doors at least fifteen feet wide. Facing forward was a wooden door that opened upon their arrival.

  Two more apprentices emerged carrying a stretcher between them. Borm and Ciro lifted Cora onto the stretcher. Conor jumped from the back of the carriage and together they rushed towards the door, Max and Annie following behind the small group.

  The same wooden door opened again, but this time only one apprentice ran through, his face riddled with panic. “Cora!” Kellus yelled. “Is she alright?”

  “You know this girl,” Conor said. “I remember from the festival.”

  Kellus nodded.

  “Come with us, then,” Conor said.

  They hurried into a brightly lit corridor with ten doors, five on either side, spread out evenly. The walls were a pleasant shade of blue. At the end, they turned left into another corridor with two very large doors and one descending staircase. The large doors led to elevators big enough for the stretcher to fit in.

  They traveled down one flight to the basement. The walls were the same gray stone as the courtyard, with five doors on either side again, but the floor was wooden paneled. Another left turn at the top of this corridor led to a very long hallway adorned with various sized doors on either side. Annie was becoming vaguely aware of the size of the complex; it was enormous.

  Finally, they pushed through a door that entered a large white room that smelled of iodine. Six peacemen sat in the room, one wore a white uniform. He was obviously one of the surgeons.

  Conor turned to Annie. “Why don’t you wait in that little room over to the left,” he said. “I will come to you the moment we have news.”

  Annie walked towards the door in a daze with Ma
x by her side. Kellus followed behind.

  The room was a small library.

  Large windows—decorated with stained glass depicting scenes of lakes and mountains—covered artificial light, giving the feeling of being above basement level.

  In the middle of the room, arranged in a semi-circle, were three oversized, brown, leather couches, all in view of a large unlit fireplace. On every other spare piece of the wall were bookshelves filled with hundreds of books.

  Annie sat down on the middle couch with Max and tapped her fingers nervously on the wooden table in front of her. It took her a moment to realize that Kellus had not moved. He stood like a statue in front of her.

  “Annie, please forgive me,” he said when she looked up at him. “I was worried about Cora. The men told me that Max had been here earlier, that one of his sisters was ill. Then word came that a carriage carrying a sick girl was approaching. I assumed it was Cora. I should have stayed away from you, but I had to see her for myself.”

  Max stood up and walked to the windows, turning his back on them. His way of giving them what privacy he could.

  “I understand,” she replied, forcing a smile. “How have you been, otherwise?”

  He bit down on his bottom lip with both front teeth and shook his head. “I’ve been better,” he whispered.

  “Me too,” she responded.

  “Do you mind if I stay with you?” he asked quietly. “I’d like to hear the news as soon as possible.”

  “Of course,” she replied, remembering his fondness for Cora.

  He sat on the couch to her left and continued to glare at the floor.

  Max paced behind them.

  Finally, after an hour or more, the door opened and Conor walked through, wearing the same white surgeon’s uniform as the other peaceman. He took a seat next to Annie and looked into her face, placing a hand on her left shoulder. “We are going to perform an emergency nephrectomy,” he said.

  “What is that?” she questioned. She didn’t like the sound of that word.

  “We are going to remove Cora’s right kidney,” he reiterated.

  “Oh no,” Annie gasped in a distraught voice.